Anne-Marie
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Sex and Kayaking?!It has fallen to us (Emma and myself) to address the very hot debate of whether there is any correlation between Paddling ability and skills in the bedroom! Now obviously we are talking hypothetically here and so have left it to other members of the club (most notably the girls to leave their comments) we have started the ball rolling with what we think is true. Below is a copy of the minutes so you can all see how much thought we put into this.
Please note that this has only come about as we are both very bored and missing the Beaver Lovin' a lot!
Paddling Ability Correlation to Night Time Shenanigans?
James He paddles for Great Britain - he's got to be good!
J-Ro “All power no technique” According to forum gossip!
Ricky Getting on a bit - but everyone loves a Sugar Daddy!
Andy Emma's personal hero!
Rich Smith Just like a good wine – Improves with age!
Edsco HE CHEATED DEATH - actually ran away from the Grim Reaper and smacked him with some paddles!
Martyn Always room for improvement - like learning the girl's name - I am A-M NOT EMMA!!! Plus roll needs working on!
Will Wilson Weeing in a bedroom is not cool - but we love you anyway!
Dave Off the market!
Muppet Is a Muppet but has paddled in Uganda and contracted Bad Aids - thus he has been moved down the list (not a desirable partner)
Stevo Not very memorable as we forgot to put him in the list initially - really sorry!
Alex Now he has full use of both hands his performance is bound to improve
Joe Can’t contain himself – has to make full use of the get-in!
Nick All mouth and no trousers!
Shags I voted Shags for top man but Emma wouldn't have it!
Fozz Likes to take the plunge early on - swimming at the get-in for example!
Ben Kinkiest Beaver – loves whipped cream and the high-life!
Pete Easily excited - often causes him to take a cheeky post-fall swim
Tim Currently out of action - sorry girls!
Andy Father of all inbred Beaver Babies
Krish Unwilling to embrace new experiences!
Useless Is Useless
Minutes for Emma and A-M’s Very Important Meeting Regarding Correlation Between Paddling and Sex!
• Tuesday 18th December
1700
• Both parties are on msn and the meeting commences
1702
• Conversation turns to the “SheeWee” and Emma is very excited about the idea of using it in Wales
• Somehow she believes that they have to stay in all day “maybe just put them on in the morning…not sure how comfortable they will be.”
• A-M then goes on to explain how they are like a portable willy and merely require a “good shake” after use.
1706
• Conversation moves to how crap Uni-Kit is at delivering the hoodies and how stupid the guild is for forgetting to pay them
• Conversation goes on like this for several minutes.
1710
• Emma brings up the subject of the “Sexual Experiment”
• Lists of what it will contain are well received
• Decisions are made as to positioning on the table – it was as follows:
Andy old
Andy New
Will wilson
J-ro
Shagem
Catalogue
James – GB
Martyn
Edsco
Nick
Rich Smith
Ricky
• A-M has to work through names in year order as it is a very difficult task – took 3 attempts.
1720
• It is decided that Emma will send out a general e-mail informing Beavers of this magnificent survey as not many of the freshers or fake freshers are on the forum
1723
• Positions of the list are debated over – this takes a very long time
• Unanimous decision that James should take 1st position as he paddles for GB – we feel he has a major asset for the club.
• Debate over Ricky’s position follows as neither of us have ever paddled with him and so base our decision on his cockiness of which we have heard much about (although apparently he only rates himself 6/10 on the sexual performance level.
• 3rd position was the final decision as we felt he may begin to lack in stamina – already admitted that he is “too old for the Alps”
1747
• A-M remembers that there is an old beaver named Useless.
Emma says that this one will be tricky: “have u ever seen useless paddle? or met him?” the answer to this question is “No.”
• It is therefore decided that Useless should take automatic bottom position in the list as he’s not made the effort to come and tell us where he should belong!
1801
• Emma refuses to put Shagem at the top of the list – A-M goes into sulks for the next 5mins. We settle on 12th position but with the potential for serious improvement as neither of us have seen Grade 4 German Paddling Shagem.
1812
• Emma draws a comparison between Muppet and Catalogue – this goes over A-M’s head.
1814
• Martyn’s inability to roll is mentioned – A-M is reluctant to put him near the top as he confuses her for Emma (still!!)
• Emma says that we cannot allow bias to creep into this highly important scientific experiment.
• Discussion of the word “experiment” follows and A-M points out that this implies we have “test run” the beaver boys.
• The word “Experiment” is duly dropped.
1827
• “Both Emma and A-M like the phrase “all power and no technique” and decide it must make an appearance.
• Decision is made that this should be applied to J-Ro.
1835
• Emma remembers that we have forgotten Alex and Fozz – they are added to the list.
1840
• Emma and I are forced to admit that there are some people on this list who we have never seen paddle – but ignore it.
1846
• A-M declares her love for Shagem.
1852
• Emma feels that Krish’s lack of adventure has to be mentioned – get on a trip!!!
1900
• Rough list is provided:
james jro ricky andy ed martyn wilson alex jo nick shags fozz ben pete tim andy krish
• Conversation goes as follows:
Emma says:
now we jus need to put something next to all of them..
Anne-Marie says:
where's muppet?
Emma says:
muppet after alex
Emma says:
sorry
Emma says:
useles at the end
Anne-Marie says:
wasn't he before alex
Emma says:
oh yeh
Emma says:
but him before alexz
Anne-Marie says:
useless at end - definitely - we don't even know him! lol
Anne-Marie says:
yeah
Emma says:
so..
Emma says:
james jro ricky andy ed martyn wilson muppet amex jo nick shags fozz ben pete tim andy krish useless
Anne-Marie says:
Yes! and sorry to anyone we've forgotten - they obviously are shit in bed or we would have remembered them!
Emma says:
lol def
Anne-Marie says:
I feel that somehow the boys may retaliate to this...
1917
• Conversation moves from the medium of MSN to telephone.
• Emma and A-M are both stumped as to what to put for Nick.
• Mummy Harding steps in and suggests “All talk and no trousers.”
• This is greatly received and added to the list.
1930
• A-M is finding it hard to talk and eat Lamb shanks at the same time.
• Meeting is brought to an end.
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POST EXPERIMENT COMMENTS
Emma and A-M realise that they have forgotten to put Chris on our magnificent table - this is not because he is of less importance - merely that we feel his ability speaks for itself and does not need to be pigeon-holed - we love chris.
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Emma
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lol I absolutely love the minutes of our meeting A-M. But any comments?? Does everyone agree with our paddling ability order???
xxx
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J-Ro
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can I just say that canoe polo is not proper kayaking so shouldnt be counted!!!!
also, having now gone on a kayak course in NZ can I claim to have power AND technique?? surely that must count for something!!!
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Emma
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Not sure about that..... we'll have to see you paddle when you get back.
Just remembered who we forgot AM!!!! Chris Askew!!! sorry Chris - addd him in A-M  xxxx
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Jamie
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Theres nothing wrong with second place J-Ro, your the first placed loser so thats something 
A-M+Emma- you guys may have no life but it's a very well thought out list- Looks like you've done your research 
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Anne-Marie
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That we did James, that we did!
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Mr Cow
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Quality,
I just wish I could be a student again to have time to come up with detailed research like this!
P.S. Merry Christmas everyone!
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Tim
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Haha, good job girls. Hopefully the doc'll give me the all clear on Friday!
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stepheneagles
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shags is my number one!!!!!! (I'm counting down the days buddy!!)
x
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Emma
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I am quite upset that 3 ppl have voted Am cooler than me  xxx
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fostermp
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well A-M and Emma, I might like to take the plunge early, but atleast I rectified my mistake and came out the other side of the gorge with a good result. Seen as though we're talking about paddling and sexual performance, I think we should take you two into account.
Emma: Careless, too eager, doesn't listen to instructions, having to get ashmore to save you twice, (come on he's not guna be there in bed to help you)...doesn't make for a very good lay does it!!!
A-M: well what can I say, Although I was stuck on arock backwards, A-M thought; well I want a bit of that!!!! so she joined me, ejecting me out of the other side when I was quite happily sat there watching emma make a berk of herself. So therefore your selfish and want it all, never puts out unless its going to benefit her!
PS. neither of you two are as cool as me, but A-M is cooler than emma on the basis that she has better pj's.
Love Foz (Mr FUDGE)
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Jamie
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I agree with Foz, u guys are way down the list! Oh n since Tim isn't broke anymore, should he not get a bit more recognition for his sexual ability?
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Claire
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on paddling ability I think Tim should stay where he is for the moment, with potential for improvement.
you've obviously put a lot of thought into this though
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Emma
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I think all the boys need road testing the ones that havent been already. any offers???????????????????
And the boys that have been "road tested" the girls need to compare... its all part of the experiment...!!!!
xxxx
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nickg_44
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I think....Claire should take the top of the list man for a test drive, to see whether he lives up to his GB credentials...
nick x
P.s. Claire, I still have your coat at 25 Frances Road.
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Emma
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do u think you can request banana flavoured condoms at the sti clinic????????? xxx
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nickg_44
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It should be family planning clinic rather than the STI clinic....the thought of the children is more scary than AIDS.
xx
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Emma
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children in general or claire and james' babies??
What do you think they would look like???xxx
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Anne-Marie
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One would be a giant and the other would be a midget (love you Claire - short people are cool) and they would all talk in this funny language that no one would understand because they are from some funny place, think it's called "The North"
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Tim
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| Anne-Marie wrote: | | think it's called "The North" |
It is. I've seen it signed on the Motorway. Always sends a chill down my spine!
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Siôn
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im very sorry but how im not in the top five is a disgrace  only jkin, thanks for all the beaver love has put a smile on my face! merry xmas and a happy new year everyone, see u at the AU Ball!!!!
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fostermp
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condomsemma if you want some flavoured cock wrapping ask ashmore I'm sure his mum can sort you out with some. if you just want some cock just stroll to 107 and take your pick. me and ashmore come as a tag team though.lol.
love foz xxxxxx
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Jamie
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Ok ok firstly any child of mine would be good looking. Secondly, The north is way better than the south as we get clean air, Man Utd and something called 'countryside' which you southern fairies probably haven't even heard off
Merry Christmas x
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Emma
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why don t you just admit what we all know james??? you want to shag the 'northern boater'!!! after all north is better than south!?
love Em and Nick xxx
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Jamie
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I can't I'm gay!! x
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Emma
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is this finally your way of admitting it? are you coming out? I didnt think you wanted everyone to know!xxx
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stepheneagles
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| Siôn wrote: | | im very sorry but how im not in the top five is a disgrace only jkin, thanks for all the beaver love has put a smile on my face! merry xmas and a happy new year everyone, see u at the AU Ball!!!! |
you are in my top 5 sionny! (as are you joe before you start getting all jealous!)
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